Some things that keeps me rolling

Hey there people,didn't really have the time to go update my blog as i was not feeling that alright the pass few days. But now i'm back and that's all that matters. So, even despite the fact that i was a little bit sick to the core, i still had my fair share of fun. On Tuesday, we went to Tampines swimming complex for a swim and my grandmother,yiyi and younger sister went to hit the gym. I accompanied my mother where we sat our butts on the side ways by the poool side. So everything was fun and all, and maybe u might be thinking why i'm such a lazy person....But hey, i'm still a little bit sick k...just really hoping to cure totally and completely.

Nothing else really matters right now but ya,although i have changed my blogskin,i do not really have the time to brush up the rest of the random stuff abt myself--those indroductory thingie...but i will do so some other time when i have more free time on hand k!!!

One other thing that has been bugging me lately is the fact that i had to give up the great opportunity when i could have spent with my friends...so sorry ah, Nian jie....and of course my other besties!!! We'll try to hang out some other times k,will always luv you all even though we're apart ya!!!

Okay some other thing to talk abt, so recently i was watching a really cool show on youtube and it's namely "Another Cinderella Story". Really a superb show,that's what i think though. Selena gomez is the main actress coming along with Drew seely....how cool can it get with two total strangers fallin in luv,plus crashing with those cool little sweet details where the guy hugs the girl and kisses her forehead with a light peck.....??? At least this is one show that makes me think that true love does exist...

Okay, next week on Saturday,i'll be attending a partey where i have to meet those aunties of mine. Not really a happy thing to be proud of but i going there for the sake of my daddy...well at least i know 1 things' for sure,mummy's not going...how sad can that be??? Hey and i will not act plastic just to please them okay? They don't even run my life so why should i please them and just let them have their way round...but still, i'll try to get some photos of the partey and uplaod it....so ya, til then..luv you'll.............

Everything is fine...i guess?

So today is just another day for me. Still a little bit sick but was not so bad as compared to yesterday. Running nose has finally curbed a little. I really hope that i can cure from this "agony" as soon as possible coz i wanna go to the gym to do a little workout. Will be going there with relatives so ya...that's all. Right now, i can feel the bitterness of the medication lingering in the corners of my mouth...it's just eww,DUH?

Okie, there's one more thing,the picnic with my friends. Actually,i thought i would be able to go,but then when i checked the calender, it states SUNDAY,so that is like family day for me. I know i have not been joining my friends lately,so i hope that they won't blame me.

Okays still,i really hope to cure by tmr. If not i think i would have to make a trip to the clinics the following down. So that's it for now ppl...will try to update as soon as possible.

Long day

Today was basically a long day for me. Could not really catch any sleep the night before as i was down with a terrible flu and extremely bad sore throat.......Woke up so early in the morning and mum suddenly had the urge to go Tampines,so my sister and i oblige to her request. Had a really fun time there,we went to eat Burgur king and after that, i found out that i was running a fever....that's too bad. But hey, i managed to enjoy myself loads.....

I guess today would be a short post and ya,tmr is the day when my sister take her results. Well i could see from her eyes that she is really intimidated as she thinks that the rest of her friends are able to pull it off. But all i know is that i ahve seen her done her beat so there' nothing to worry about....At least that's what i think...will definitely try my best to calm her down man!!

Love?

What is love? Everyone that owns it says it's the closest thing to magic. I can never anticipate how love would be and it's wonderful time. But there is one thing I'm sure of ,it's a waste of time. Imagine having someone tied you down. Being restricted to so many things and only spending your time with a particular person.

Just having that thought makes me sick to the core. Although can be a great thing to have between two total strangers,it can also be a dreadful thing to have as well. After a long period of time, things start to strain and everything just dies out. Only til then does boredom sets in. Carving itself a beautiful space between the couple. Creating tension and awkwardness.

Even though people are aware of the consequences,they still decides to go for it. Almost everyone around me has a "stead" but when questioned,it's not like they long to have such a beautiful love to hang onto, but it's only because it's the "in" thing and they do not wish to stand out from the crowd. So? That doesn't mean that if i don't have a BF to show off,that makes me the odd one out right? Well I guess only brainless people would think like that.

For me,i just love my single life. Prior to that choice,i can be free to do anything and hang out with different class of people. It don't have to be just that "one" person revolving around my love life. I can have so many people who care and love me,so why would i go and ruin all the good things that has taken place in my life? Also realising that love doesn't always stay stagnant,i have always been diverting my love and attention to my MUSIC. Although music is not alive like a real person, bet hey, it does provide a sense of great satisfaction and at the very least, it will not hurt meme mentally......

Therefore,i trust my judgement i Had made when i was younger. Now as I'm flipping through the articles i read previously, the great pain that the poor girl Had to go through had hurt her loads. Going to the extremes, she decided to end her life by sniffing in a great amount of oxides emitted from the burning of charcoal to stop her pains once and for all.

At least now I'm sure that i would be safe from all the "dangers of love" and to look at the bright side, i can look at any hot guy without having anyone by my side to restrain me......But the coolest thing is that i can go on describing the guy's body with my mum and sister, it sometimes happens when I'm with my friends as well. So, i think i kinda inherited the"horny-ness" from my mother ,but who cares? We just enjoy it......it's considered to be my favourite hobby!! DUH?

Randomly lame stuff i've ever spoken about

This is what we saw when we were at Tampines ya.....cool,but Christamas is not here yet man

Wow, they are so young but they are already flirting...no la--her playmate dude!!!

Uncle Chris.......the flinstones,we do not have much of a liking for him though

This is Leann....she changed out from her cheongsam ya?

This one i did at picnik.com....i know i look real green-ish and black-ish

This one is during the free time that me and my sister always share....i luv taking picx of myself man...

Hey,hey,this is my Sister--the cute one...she's rather photogenic in every pic!!! As quoted frm sis"i so pretty must say meh? It's like i'm showing off la!! "

Yo sup!! so pretty leh...post more for me can.....

Yap that's me again,i love this one---did it in my mum's phone,and i thought it was really cool and stuff,so i decided to post it.

So ya, finally i'm updating my blog once again. The last few days, i was not really feeling the thing within me to go blog,so i thought i shall let it slip. But hey,just a little update,Went to the Partey and evrything was knida fun though,that's becoz my "evil" aunties are not there to be the party pooper. We had delicious food like spegettie,curry and many other more. Afterwhich,we had a karaoke session and it sure was a banging time!! Love it there,it's just really a familiar feeling that comes back to me every now and then when i step into the 'his' house. Well anotherr plus factor was that Leann sure was dressed up cutely man. Like come on sister,it's ur birthday and ur wearing a cheongsam? But still, it was cute and all. Except for the fact that i was suffering from the damn flu that is in the way of expressing my singing vocals man....and yet that ''Aunty" of mine could say,hey you all don't sing ah? Like duh can? I don't sing oldies....what the "Freak"(F***)? But all in all,everything was fine,what more could i ask from the "weird" family huh? So that's abt it.

Wednesday: Bedok: Bought BRAs

so on this day, everything was totally going the way i wanted it to happen...anyway,things do happen but guess what,they change for the better--becoz they were under my HANDS....

Made our way to Bedok and bought my favorite Black bras that caught my eyes the very second i saw it...cool and sexy,that's what i would say....but nvr take any picx--after that can see my size! jkjk...i have big "sisters" though...

Thursday: Tampines: Bought story book and some other stuff

Chilled out at the very famous Tampines and bought alot of stuff there.

mostly it was the story books-duh? My sister has been wanting to buy the Stephanie Meyer: Breaking dawn....at first went to Popular but cannot find her book,then made our way to times..finally can find!! WE=ll i bought "the tales fromt he kopitiam"---PLS check this out--NVR buy this book ya..it sucks,i thought the stories were supposed to freak ppl out,but hey i could even read it in the night,alone and still not get scared!!! So ya,made the wrong choice i guess!!!

Some photos i would luv to share.....^above

Normal day..just as i thought

Well today was a supposingly normal day for me.....Woke up early in the morning only to find myself in an agreement that i had made with mummy the day before. That was to follow her to the NTUC to buy some groceries. So we did as plan and everything was fine, a burgar with some side dishes like chicken nuggets and fries was made for our dinner. The food was srumptous....an undeniable fact for the day.....really looking forward to the party this sunday and hoping with fingers crossed that Aunty Frances won't say anything bad....u know evil people are like that....But a sad thing is mummy won't be going to the party as she does not want to speak to the so called Betrayer. So ya, evrything is set as per usual,and i just have to attend it....one more thing,Found out that grandma called a few days ago as she wanted to move house...only when she needs helpwould she then call us..what the hell??? Now i have totally given up on her and everyone else around her...i don't know what is taken over my damn world! She used to be someone really close to me who would play with me and cuddle me up. But after moving to another house, she has changed overall...and i hate that change in her,it makes me puke...right now she is still going to move house once again, so definitely her attitude towards mine is gonna change as well!!! Let's just hope for a better change ya?

Just a little update on stuffs!!!!

So i skipped a couple of days and missed out some of the stuffs in my life.....but I'd just rather they were like that. Somehow, there were other things i would love to share on the blog, last few nights, my family played the very renowned game of Mahjong...everything was fun but however, my luck was extremely suckish the night before. So there is a high chance that maybe, we'll still be playing another game but we'll have to see how it goes first. My dad is working and maybe he's too tired and my sister, since she is still going to school, i guess she would feel tired as well. So basically the only people that is in the house early in the morning is only my mother and i.

Oh ya, an update about the relationship with my mother,everything is great now so it's cool. We talked and laugh as though nothing has ever happened...Isn't she the best? I just really love her...apart from her, there are other people that i love as well---my daddy and dearest sister....these are my coolest family members ever. Other than that, i have other people revolving around my life that i am not sure of but still then, i dote on them as a Friend or a sister....I mean this shouldn't be happening as i should only love and share the feelings around me with the people i know and care about. But hey, guess what---the more time i spend with a person, the more i start to dote on them. I really don't know what the hell is wrong with me...i mean, my family members( inclusive of my hypocrite aunties and uncles not my own family),has taught us to be really cold blooded and uncompassionate....but luckily, i'm not like them...at the very least, i share my compassionate heart with people that i love.......

Love List: Hate list:

1. Daddy 1.Aunty Loreen
2.Mummy 2.Aunty Francis
3.Nicoleann 3.Aunty Debra
4.All of nicole's frend 4.Randy
5.Marilyn 5.Nadia
6.Xiurong 6.Uncle Melvin
7.Christal 7.Glen
8.Hwee li 8.Mark.......if your name is
9.Claire not in the hate list
10.Yayoi then i am still fine
11.Jiawei with U...4 now!!!
12.Samantha
............................there might be more, but i can't remember now.......................

It suddenly came out....uncontrollable(totally)

A sunny day as it has always been and yet, it still had to come out---those hurtful words. I knew right at that instance that i had hurt my mother with those harshly words I'd used! Initially, my mum had decided to bring my sister and me to my great grand mother's house for a visit and i had agreed to go with mummy even when my sister backed out. But in the end,something cocked up and there i was throwing my tantrum not wanting to go with my mum. I told her off to make her own way there,but she said that she already promised yiyi to bring somebody along. I was stubborn and still insisted that i stayed glued to my sit....resulting in her attitude towards me throughout the afternoon. During the late afternoon,actually everything was okay,but then i had to go and open my big mouth and ask her a stupid question. Well that particular question that i asked really did me a lot of trouble man. It sent me straight off into the hot soup...In the night as i await my mother voice directing towards me,i was biting hard on my chocolate and staring at the view outside my house...the night sky was amazing!!! I had lived here for more than 7 yrs and i did not ever stop to notice the spectacular view i had covering the sky just outside my house!!! What in the world was i thinking man......At that instance, i diverted all the remaining attention i had left to my now raging mother....She was still soundly asleep as i made my way to her bedroom trying my very best to steal a glance, at her beautiful and graceful position in sleep. Only then did i start to entertain the thought that maybe, there was a high chance that mummy won't even speak to me ever again.....Again, i turned to look at her,now in a position where a baby that cuddles up all snugly. Mixed emotions surged through my restless body and tears started to flow down. I was feeling extremely guilty for what I've done. Remembering the thought that, someone had been doing that to her already,i still added onto her burden!!! I cried my heart out and decided that if i get back to speaking with mummy again, then i definitely won't commit the same mistake ever again. I love her and really should not have said those words.....in this post, i would really love to tell her that i am extremely SORRY for what I've done!!! It's only a matter of time that i say these words to her!!! But for now, i think i would just let everything fall where they may.....I'm only afraid that maybe, i won't be able to put the pieces back together again and just knowing that, i feel lost and empty deep down inside!!!

The rare opportunities we have....

Life is full of opportunities,but it's only how we make use of it. Take for example, the working life of an adult. Well i've always been wanting to get out in to working world so that i could spend on things without my parents consent. I was offered a job by one of my friends namely Wahyuni. But after finallising everything,i still wasn't able to go as i still missed those days that i spent with my parents.Imagine working on Christmas day,that would be boring for me as we i'd rather use the time wisely to go on a shpping spree......So right now at this juncture,i am really pondering as wheather to go for this great opportunity? But i have some reserves about the job still, as the information that i enquired from Wahyuni was that she only had a vacancy left. That equals to me doing the work all alone in the world..At first, i was supposed to do the job together with a few of my closest friends,but in the end everything was not what it seems before. In this post, i would really love to thank my friend-Wahyuni...for geeting me a space in the job but on the other hand, i would love to apologise to her as well as i don't think i would be able to make it..maybe i shall take this yr a resting yr and then start next yr? I don't know man, really nobody knows what is gonna happen tmr right? Or should i just let nature take it's course? Ya really well, i think that i would just leave it the way it is.........

.............Family Problems arising making the situation worser.........
So just yesterday, i went with daddy to a football game. A little update on the game though,Tampines rovers was playing against Geylang. In the first half,it was so damn difficult to concentrate on the game as the two teams were plying soft on each other,they managed a score of 1-1 in the first half of the game...so sucky!!! But guess what, during the secong half, talines rovers pulled back fast and having kicked in a score of 5-2...i really could not believe my eyes...it indeed was an eye operner for me. The way they kicked in the ball, it was like they had really trained hard for the game beforehand. So everything was smooth going and so on. Until uncle Alan started a conversation on the latest news that was bugging the family.

Just found out yesterday that now, Aunty Francis and Uncle Bernard were no more on talking terms already.......what a mess hae everything become? It all started with Aunty Francis making wild guesses without even finding out the truth first. She thought that Uncle Bernard made a celebration without inviting her,so in a pique, she told her husband...(Flinstone's), The whole story(don't know the real story yet), And guess what our HERO did? Well, quit guessing,i'll tell you,he sent a really hurtful sms out to Uncle Bernard...this is what was stated in the sms..." Hey,why you make party, u didn't even invite us? We are the godparents u know....In that case, return the taekwondo suit we lent ur son!!!"
How childish could those two ppl get man? And this was not even the real story yet? They only assumed and see how everything is messed up now? So on another day, (the main actor comes out now......) Uncle Bernard called uncle Alan and decided to tell him the whole story. Well he claimes that he did not hold any functions,it just happens that he had leftovers--pizza and chicken wings so he decided to call That stupid aunty of mine...LOREEN!!! And her two bladdy sons plus her husband to come and watch freaking FOOTBALL.....all i know is that they are all BALLS -CARRIER!!! i HATE THEM TO THE CORE....anyway, i have already severed ties with them so i'm not going to think stuff about them. It just breaks my damn heart into pieces...it isn't worthy anyway,how could i feel like that before...i still can't figure it out man......Actually we ppl just don't look around ourselves and have a compassionate heart for others...Or should i say this only occurs only in my SO CALLED fAMILY???.....iT'S TRUE,pls believe and u'll live or else once u get to know them, then all is too LATE!!!!

Q1. Who is the person(s) you love most in the world? The ppl closest to me duh!Q2. Irritating assholes who judge my freaking life.Q3. Do you have any stead?Nope and i would love to stay like this for now man.Q4. How many stead do you have before? ( includin the one you steadin with now)None,coz i'm an innocent growing teenager.Q5. When is the last time you told your stead 'ily'?Never.Q6. Who is your bestest friend in the world?Anybody that understands what is going on in my life.Q7. When is the last time you're sad?Never,always happy.Q8. How many msges do you have in your hp inbox?like 56 . How much do you love your bestfriends? Alot you just can't imagine. Who is the coolest person you know?Marilyn ,Jayce Xiurong n the rest of my gals.Name 1o people that has most attendance in your life.1. Marilyn Chia 2. Hwee li3. Xiurong 4. Christal 5.Nicoleann.6.Jayce 7. Jiawei8.Yayoi9.Claire10.Mummy and daddy Answer the questions about them :Q1. How much do you love no.7?Lots.Q2. Is no.3 the chio-est person in the world?Yar she she is.Q3. How will you feel if no.6 and no.8 are together?i would be like damn lesbians!!!..Q4. Do you think no.7 love you?Yupp As A cousin lol.Q5. Is no.1 attached? if yes, who?Not that i know of any.Q6. How tall is no.9?taller than all of us Q7. Is no.10 a girl or a boy?girlQ8. Have no.1 given you anythin before?Yes,alotQ9. How long is no.2 your friend?about two even yrsQ10. who does no.4 have a crush on?that's easy,jiro!Q11. Have no.5 ever hug you before?Duh,she's my sister,she even kissed me before.Q12. For how long have you known no.8?Alomost all of my living life.Q13. name a person that has a crush on no.7Me?haha i don't know.Q14. what many things have no.6 given you before?I forgot.Q15. Is no.2 the cutest person in the world?Yes n e sickest of them all.OK time for another QuizzyStarting Time : 7.55.Name : Cherylann Jeremiah Florence.Sisters : yap-1 and only.Brothers :No.Shoe size :it depends.Height :162.Where do you live :Pasir Ris.Favourite Drinks :A lot la.Favourite breakfast :Milo.Have you ever:Been on a plane : Yes.Swam in a ocean : like i could...Fallen asleep at school :of course not la .Broken Someone's heart :I think so?.Fell off your chair :never been there man.Waited for someone to call :Yes.What is your room like :orange and neat.What's right beside you : my music last thing you ate : western food:Never.Sore throat :DUH.Stitches:Nope.Broken nose:No but i dun wan it either.Do you believe in love at first sight :no la,so out of date man:So so la.Who was/were the last person :you danced with:family memberss.Last made you smile:sister and her friends + marilyn.You last yelled at:nobody la.Today did you :Talk to someone you like:no.kissed anyone:No.scared of AIDS sia:No.Talk to an ex:No.Miss someone : Yes.Eat:This is an essential stuff for humans.Best feeling in the world:yar.Do you sleep with stuffed animals:last time.Whats under your bed:another mattres.Who do you really hate:irritating assholes as mentioned.What time is it now :8:02pmRandom :Is there a person who is on your mind now:Yes.Do you have any siblings :yes.Do you want children :Maybe,when i get married.Do you smile often :i guess.Do you like your hand-writing:Im ok wif itAre your toe nails painted:Yes.Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in:chris pine?lol.What color shirt are you wearing now:brown What were you doing at 7.00 p.m.: Jus left t.mWhen did you cry last:Long time,dun wanna cry again.Are you friendly:A bit more than less.Do you have any pets:nope.used to.Where is the person you have feelings for right now:home?Did you hold hands with the person who mean anything to you now :No.Do you sleep with the TV on :No.i onli slp in my room,which has no tv.What are you doing right now:Anwering these questionares.Have you ever crawled through a window :nope,im afraid of heights.Can you handle the truth:Depends.Are you closer to your mother or father:Not Sure.Who was the last person you cried in front of:Parents.Do you eat healthy:Only After School/Hot Days.Do you still have pictures of you & your ex :No.Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you:SeldomIf you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to:E quiet park if i happened to be outside.5 things I was doing 10 years ago :-2and yr in pre-school.-crying.-jumping.-playing.-Running.5 things on my to-do list today :Dunno i dun plan.5 snacks I enjoy:Ice Cream,Chocolate,Candies,Loacker waffers and Hello Panda.5 things I would do if I were a billionaire :Liven alone,shopping,spa,facial,improvise.5 of my bad points:fierce,lazy,crazy,snobbish,unreasonable.5 people:marilyn,wei liang,wen,ann ann and rong rongWoots finished!bye~

Has the world come tumbling down on miie?

Monday, a start of every week. It was supposed to be a great day,but it all churned out to be an antagonising one for me. Right at the start of the day, my aunt came to my house and my sister was teaching my cousin some stuff. It all turned out well and everything was fine without a single bit of turbulence. Until i hit the call button that lured me into it's dangerous trap.

"Hello,Cherylann?"

"Yes, it's me,i was wondering if you have the time to chat? It's been a long time since we checked each other's lives out man!!!" I daringly replied.

"Okay.sure no problem. I would love that!"

As the conversation went on, i realised that indeed i was no longer her "FRIEND". Why was it so hard to speak to her now. I could almost feel my heart popping out from it's original place. So i did as planned,i really wanted to get to know why she is all emo and stuff. But all she did was to open her mouth to tell me that she was just tired and all. Tired,was that the prime factor bothering her all the while? I guess not,as i could see from her eyes that she was hurt but had no one to pour it out to!!! Hey there Kelly(not her real name),if you have any problems you can really come to me for help,anyway i am your friend you know! I would be really glad if i could do my utmost to help you with your problems.....

"Nah, i think i am alright....i don't need to talk to anybody!!! Just don't bother about me okay? Anyway, if i have any problems, i will talk to someone closer!!!"

On hearing that, my heart just suddenly sank to the very bottom of my body.I could not find the right words to say to Kelly anymore."Someone closer? What did she mean by that? Am i not close to her enough? 6 yrs of relationship and now she tell me that we're not close enough as compared to another person? That was like a ' wow' factor for me to take!!!

" Okay, I'm sorry for intruding on your privacy and maybe i shouldn't have! But i was just wondering why you're making your life in such a miserable state!!! You have everything in the world, MONEY,PARENTS LOVE, GOOD FRIENDS,A NICE HOUSE,CARS....so on and so forth. All this emoness,is just eating you inside out....you are not who you used to be anymore!!! I really hate to do this, but i love you as a friend and by seeing this, i feel really hurt....it's like your there but still, i can't help you in any aspect of your life.Friends should tell each other their problems and not keep it to themselves. It's just harmful to your own body...There she was shedding a little bit of tears and " -------------" It was dead silence throughout. She hunged up on me and right at that instance, i just knew i lost a wonderful friend forever and ever. Just having the thought in my mind where i would not be able to see or speak to her ever again just breaks my heart into a thousand pieces.

I guess i won't be able to put the pieces back together again. Suddenly, it has gotten me thinking about the 6 yrs as 'Her ' friend. We went through thick and thin together,laughed together and cry together...but after hearing her comments,i think we should have never gotten together in the first place. I thought i had a real friend after all the betrayals that came through in my life,but now all i get is just another dashed hope of having a true best friend that will never part with me!!! Thinking about the fact that i still have other friends that are in the same school studying with me,i am somewhat relieved to have them by my side!!! At least for now, i can still see and speak to them. Knowing that they really care about me just warms my heart so much,i just really wish that they would not be like my other friend Kelly----to say i am not considered close to her and then leave me in a lurch!!!

Any day that can ever be as normal.

So yesterday,i had a talk with Xiurong and found out that she thought that the previous post was on her. But luckily, everything was cleared up so it's no biggie.I managed to pull it of and so xiurong is nursed back to her normal self. So i forgot to post on the three exciting days when i played badminton with my sister's friends. Namely, Jayce,Christian,Aloy and Zhilling. At first, i thought that it would be boring as i am 16 yrs old and felt that it was difficult to click with 12 yrs old students. But in the end i think i have to take that back as they were really fun people. I did not think that they would be able to play so well......But i believe i was taken aback. Aloy played so well as though he was a pro or something....And there u have Jayce,the cutie girl who polished thru her skills as she played along. There was another girl-Zhiling,really cool skills...played well though. Lastly,Christian was one hell of a funny dude man. He's like so funny that he could keep us all laughing throught the game....rock on dude!!!

There would be a next game maybe tmr? I'm not sure man...but all i know is that my aunty is coming tmr for some lessons..whatever that is...looking forward to seeing her man.

Dreams that seemed so real on hand.......

Wednesday is a cool day and nothing much occured...just bringing my memories back to where it first begins,i was having a dream,or should i say two dreams in a row? First, my soul left my body to go explore the results day. I meant where i supposed to get my results back....it was like a total nightmare coz i dreamt that i had failed the N'levels and had no choice to make it into secondary 5. I was really scared out of my witts only to find out that i was ''night dreaming" ....freaked me out until i could feel the tears flowing down and realised that i had said something so stupid that it could stay etched in my mind forever...According to the dream, what i said was ---"Hey mr ong pls let me go up to sec 5. I really don't wanna repeat another yr here or go to ITE!!!"
And then Mr ONG was like somethings just happens the wrong way and we cannot do anything to stop it!!! I'm really sorry..but i can't help you..."

The delicate heart of mine was piereced through with a sharp sword on knowing that i had to enter ITE...It's not that i look down on that school but i just couldn't take the fact that i had to go to a shool that is not of my desired choice.....

Then suddenly poofed to the next dream....i don't wanna recall this one as i think i had hurt my kidney somehow when the Mad Killer in my dream stabbed her knife into it....i could only see blood profusing and it was a disgusting sight ever......shall not elaborate on it more..


A trip to the doctor's.......

So today i went to the doctor's to get myself checked up on my So called Rashes. I really was a nervous women even before reaching the doors of the clinic. But as everything pogressed, i made my way smoothly up to the doc's room and had her check on my sensitive skin, all she did was take a look at my bottom and said that this had happened a few weeks ago. Upon hearing that, i was stumped by the words she spoke.. I was wondering how the hell she knew these rashes took place a few weeks ago...Totally shocked to hear that...Anyway, a doctor would always be a doctor nothing can run from a doctor's eye!!! I even aspire to be a doctor when i grow up someday...

When the heart fondles,every little details drowns in the sae of wilderness

Why be like that when u can be a cheerful person who brightens up people's day???

So close yet so far away from her.....that was what dashed into my mind the very minute i read her blog. Why,why, did she have to do that to herself? Making herself feel so alone in the world, and there i am questioning myself,am i really your friend? I really hate myself for not being able to console her and letting her share her problems with me. I thought that all friends could share anything with each other. But no, not this time round. Everything she does, she does on her own not letting anybody know about her plans. I mean yeah, sure people have their own secrets and i am in no position to prob, but hey,shouldn't we share our feelings if we are feeling down and out?

I don't know what she is thinking and feeling? Does that mark the end of our relationship to a closer level? At first, i really thought that we were quite close, at least close enough to share drinks with each other....as i don't just share drinks with someone i am not close to. I thought that it related to the problems part as well,when we are feeling sad and lonely, we would be there for one another. The rest of my other friends do share their problems with me and i am really glad to be their listening ear throughout the process. What i just don't get is why am i not connecting to her? Communication between us is really on the verge of falling apart when we're alone and somehow, it's just really awkward to be in a situation like this.

There's something like an imaginary wall blocking me from HER,that i just can't get pass. And FYI, it's really a sad thing to have it stood rooted in my heart all this time when i come face to face with her. But really, i wanna help her a great deal as she has done her part for me. Be it cheering me up when I'm down or anything that could be up to my reach. I just know that she is there, and having known that i have such a Bestie,really warms my heart inside....no matter how cold blooded i can get. I have tried my best to share my problems with her and yes, she really did give me the listening that i needed at a heart breaking moment when I'm caught in.

But lately, I've been thinking, why can't i provide her with such care and concern? I'm hoping to bring the message across to her that she is not alone in this world, even if everybody were to leave her, i am willing to stay on and be her friend. I really don't want my friend to think negatively on the inside and portray a positive her on the outside. What i hope would be to see the real her someday. If she is sad, then she should just cry it out,if she is genuinely happy then laugh it out,don't hide it inside where no one knows.......

Seeing her like that just really breaks my heart as i don't want anything to happen to her in the near future. I know that i may sound naggy on whatever shit I've just written, but hey she's my friend for many years now and I've long treated her as my younger sister---I luv her for a friend who does things for me...and just the person she is!!!

Yo wat's up,this is my name, and i decided to put it here cos it's cool. Moreover,it's done by sis..i had to use it

What a shy kid brother,he's my cousin ya..really cute and stuff

Yi yi came..along with Nicholas and ***Jia wei*** I didn't expect him to come...

So today Yiyi came along with my two other cousins. At first i only thought that Nicholas was coming with her aone,i really did not expect her to come with HIM. And the HIM i was refering to was my other cousin,Jia wei. When i was pushed to go and open the door, i was stumped by what i saw,three figures..so ya i did my sums and waqs shocked to see him. Then they entered and i was so sure that he would be the emo kind. But not to my EXPECTATION,he was totally a cool dude okay!!! So we conversed really well and everything went smoothly...it was not much of a big deal though.Yap actually, i wanted to post some pictures of my cousins and aunty,but i have to go off line soon enough,so i thought i'll pass. Anyway,regarding the earlier post, i found myself to be a really EMO kid and i'm not extremly good at keeping that up though....i think i belong to the more open side...and maybe more cheerful as many of my frends say that i am mostly the joker kind,where i keep ppl laughing. I don't know, but well i hate the Emo me!!! Guess what i'm back to being me again......and i'm just loving it....

Days that are repeating again....

Today is Friday and it feels that the days are passing real fast. I had Mathematics remadial today and so i was the usual good girl who attended the classes. Luckily,teacher came late and so we decided to leave the place. But just as we were making our way out,we saw Miss kok and we made a quick move from where we were.....i think she kinda saw our back view but did not say anything. It wasn't only one time when we saw her,there was another time where we were on the verge of making eye contact with her!!! But in the end, i considered ourselves the lucky batch....we managed to make it out happily!!! Even took some photos and it was great hanging out with them though. Xiuring and Marilyn were decideing on watching a movie with Claire. They had asked me along and i did tried my best to plead with mummy but she just wouldn't budge,thinking that i was oly able to go out with my frends when i'm older. There i was hypnotising myself,that everything mummy was doing was for my benefit. Hey comón i really love mummy alot and so on, but sometimes i would love to go out with my friends though. It just seems to be so much fun hanging out with them. But still then, maybe things would be different when i'm with them!!! So i guess i'll just let the opportunity pass by......maybe things would be better when i'm older!!!

Papa's mass

Today has finally arrived and it's rather important as it's papa's mass. Saw most of the sickening aunties but didn't care to say hello. I just feel really weired when i c them now. It's like i cannot bring myself to try and communicate with them now. At least last time, i would try my best to go and blend into the crowd,but now, i am like what the HELL!!! Why should i shut myself upside down when it comes to them? So now i just do my thing and don't bother abt what they are gonna say. Anyway, to each is his own so I'll just let them be. All their sarcasms have drowned me dead...and i have no feelings for them already...but it wasn't like that when i was younger. As the years passed, everything changed as well,the relationship we had and the thoughts we had for one another!!!

Based on the cruel fact that my "godmother" didn't even bother to say hi to my father when he walked over,sends a message that she is still really guilty for what she had done. But my question is, why feel guilty when u've already done it? Just be a plastic like u always do and get over it. It won't hurt u that much though...Because u spare no thoughts for others.Cruel as it may seem,they are like that.

So i guess this years special occasion is gonna be taken away after judging from the performance of the family tonight. Christmas is the only time where we get to meet our family and now everything is gonna change...it seems so last time man....When will things be good again??? But actually i'd rather things just remain like this and be done with.....

Dear Papa,

when will i ever get the closest chance to see and feel u again? There are many things happening in our family and we need u to come and control it...I really hate this feeling-where we have a family but have no chane of ever getting back together again. Why in the world has these happened to us? Didn't Aunty Francis promise u that there would never be anymore fighting between us...well i'm telling u now,nothing is what it seems from up there papa...come and be the jugde of ur kids!!! Everything has fallen apart....

About me now,i broke out in rashes that is not so itchy and only starts to itch when it's being fiddled with,just last two days i had a fever that was controllable but i guess noow i am alright...my mum said that by next week if the rashes start to spread,then i really need the DOCTOR. Actually, i don't really know if it is rashes,if it is then good and if it isn't then bye ppl i think i'm gonna die soon!!! So basically i am done with my long posting,ciao!!!

Blessful time for me...

Today was a heavy day for me. Actually i was supposed to go for classes today,but daddy was sick and i was needed at home to take care of him. When it was nearing the later part of the day,daddy seemed better off so we decided to go out and grab a bite.

Came home and was totally wiped out. I took abt 4 hours of nap--or you could say it was a sleep though coz it was really long. Daddy was accompanied by Nicoleann to go grab dinner at Afganistan( a place near Tampines mall). The very famous Nasi Lemak..crispy chicken and so on,the taste can never run.

After which,mummy told me that this afternoon, while she was using the com, my cousin Bryan when on line and on MSM he asked if i was atill angry with him. But luckily my mum helped to type back and managed to set his mind at ease. I'm really glad that he still treats me as his cousin though. I thought that he had long forgoten abt me and only had he's friends in ming. But after today, i could tell that he still take me for his elder sister that took care of him when he was younger. So everything turned out really well and my cousin is still my dearest cousin of all. Because i know i only have him and his younger brother as my closest cousins ever. If i were to break my relationship with him, then i would cease to have any cousins.....

Tiring day ahead of me.....

Well today is Sunday and also a really fun day man...will continue tmr.....