I just realised over the past few days that a world can become really strange. People whom you know before, or rather at least you thought you knew, were not what they are. They are somewhat scheming and doesn't let you see what's deep down in their heart. I feel so pained to see the world actually ending up in a state. Or should i say, just the people whom i knew. K, i thought he was someone who was easy to connect with but i guess it isn't the case. Now i finally learned the truth that you should never trust a person, not even a little or this is what you get. Some people can basically smile through their teeth without even allowing you to see the true self. It's really scary to know that these ppl actually exist in our class. At the very least, CC always says it straight to my face and that's most important. Sometimes, it's perfectly easy to understand that when u hurt someone,there will be hatred somewhere...but what i don't understand is, i did nothing to these people and yet they are trying to be good on the surface which i totally detest. I can never forget their smug faces...well i only have this to say....all of them have become strangers.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Overwhelmed feelings.
Today i just feel like blogging somehow. I can feel the mixed feelings i have within and this is not a good thing, really. I don't know how to put an end, a great solution the the existing problem. It's just too difficult for me. Whenever i try to make it work, it just backfires and in turn i get hurt. I didn't want to put anybody in this situation because i had no intentions of ruining other ppl's life. I just wanted to be left alone and not be a person who is hated. Is that too much to ask for? What did i do? After much deliberation, i finally realised that i really shouldn't have done a study group with him. I had swore never to get myself in any of this mess and i guess i am now in one. I detest this feeling and feel like a cruel bitch. I never wanted to hurt anyone but i guess this calls for desperate measures. Things are getting uglier by the day and this can never get any better. From what i know, i sincerely thanked the person who taught me for O's but there's nothing more to it. I can't reciprocate the same feelings and thus i resorted to hurting him. I know that this is really bad,despicable and any other words to describe my behaviour. But i couldn't think of any other solutions to let him down properly. I told him countless times that we were impossible, i guess i couldn't really break through to him. Really couldn't get the message across and now everything looks really terrible on the surface. And that is why i choose never to go into a relationship....everything just ends up in a really big tangle that i can't get myself out of. Well, i think that things are going to end soon and i hope it does. I'm sure it will. I can never fathom why anyone would want to have crushes or be in a relationship...it's really hurting to put the other person down.
On a brighter note, I decided to go for the last class BBQ. Well, i'm not sure if i'll enjoy but i'm still going anyway. To widen the friendship circle(tht's what my friend said). Anyway, it's being held this Friday,at Wahyuni's place. Let's just hope it'll be fun. Another thing to note, PROM...I can't believe i'm actually going for it as well. It was somewhat like a last minute decision planned decision. Weird but still we're going. Truth be told, only Christal,Xiurong and me are attending the Class BBQ and PROM. Very weird but we really wanted something to be etched in our memories forever. So at last, we made a decision....Let's just harbour the thought that we'll at least try to enjoy on that occasion!~~!
On a brighter note, I decided to go for the last class BBQ. Well, i'm not sure if i'll enjoy but i'm still going anyway. To widen the friendship circle(tht's what my friend said). Anyway, it's being held this Friday,at Wahyuni's place. Let's just hope it'll be fun. Another thing to note, PROM...I can't believe i'm actually going for it as well. It was somewhat like a last minute decision planned decision. Weird but still we're going. Truth be told, only Christal,Xiurong and me are attending the Class BBQ and PROM. Very weird but we really wanted something to be etched in our memories forever. So at last, we made a decision....Let's just harbour the thought that we'll at least try to enjoy on that occasion!~~!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Random stuff i stumbled upon the internet
Just because of who you are, you ruined my whole world. I need to be a normal girl, but you had to come waltzing in. You happen to appear in front of me whenever i wanna see you. Gosh, i don't want anything about you. I had long forgotten you, but once i saw your picture, feelings filled the spaces you onced held. I cried over you, but blaming me because i knew i was stupid to have fallen for you. It's the first time i've ever fallen in love, real deep love. Whenever i see you, i sigh and turn away. Do you know how i feel? Would you come? Must you be the perfect one,catered to me only? Why must you have what i need? I hate you enough to love you. I hate myself coz i simply just can't erase the memories of you. Whenever u are on my mind, i just start to hug myself tightly...bringing in every part of myself to stop the world from collapsing. Even though i am a whole, i still feel that a part of me is being torn apart. I can't take it anymore. I seriously hate how much i feel for you. I never wanted to say this but, I LOVE YOU.....Perhaps liking turned into love and i cannot comprehend how much i feel for you.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
The Last Day
Today marks the last day on com. I'm not gonna touch this com until after o levels. To fully concentrate, tht's what imma do right now. Giving it all i can....So to summarise the motivational workshop. I simply loved it. There are no words to describe it. It was great fun along with many learning experiences. We had three trainers, namely DANNY, BONG(tht's what we call him) and AMIN. Bong wasn't tht funny but he taught us alot of things. On the other hand, Danny and Amin were the jokers. The ppl who kept the class lively once again. They are the best trainers ever and i'm so glad that it wasn't Adam Khoo who took us for his training session. On the first day of the camp, we learned so much, something like having self-esteem and so on. Like we shouldn't care too much abt what others have to say about us. On the second day, we learned about how to reach our goal when we reached the age of 28.
Everything was going fine until Danny asked us a question that got us all thinking. "who are you?"....Silenced filled the room and he stared asking some ppl this question...i was included to...but i gave a very superficial answer that wasn't really substantiated. After hearing ppl's answer...he shouted!!! It was scary but what he said really touched my heart. He was right!! What was i doing when i thought that i was useless? If i could fight the battle yrs back, why do i think like that now...? Everyone in the room was practically crying their eyes out. But it was really a life changing experience. Then as it approached night,we played a game...ok not really a game. It was more of a test of endurance. Very tiring as we had to put our hands in a 90 degrees direction or higher...we can't go any lower than 90 degrees. It was extremely tough but i couldn't believe that i managed to do it. So from now, i won't look down on myself and i'll not be afraid to accept failures....i'll make it one day.
Everything was going fine until Danny asked us a question that got us all thinking. "who are you?"....Silenced filled the room and he stared asking some ppl this question...i was included to...but i gave a very superficial answer that wasn't really substantiated. After hearing ppl's answer...he shouted!!! It was scary but what he said really touched my heart. He was right!! What was i doing when i thought that i was useless? If i could fight the battle yrs back, why do i think like that now...? Everyone in the room was practically crying their eyes out. But it was really a life changing experience. Then as it approached night,we played a game...ok not really a game. It was more of a test of endurance. Very tiring as we had to put our hands in a 90 degrees direction or higher...we can't go any lower than 90 degrees. It was extremely tough but i couldn't believe that i managed to do it. So from now, i won't look down on myself and i'll not be afraid to accept failures....i'll make it one day.
Monday, September 7, 2009
The Party
Alright,so we attended aunty Francis's birthday party yesterday. It wasn't too bad. The food was good but apparently not too good for some others. Truth be told,there weren't any prawns or anything more expensive but seriously, it didn't matter to me coz i don't eat such stuff. Anyway, it was more of a small get together rather than a big party. There weren't many ppl, only a few friends of hers and a few family members that surrounded the birthday cake. Caught a glance of Nadia's bf,well---he looked really normal for the matter of fact. Not any hunk or hottie, just more of a plain dude. And he was a pain in the ass....kept snapping private shots of ppl,(inclding my sis and me),it was ridiculous although i loved the camera. But i hate to be taken when i'm eating? It's so unglam and i detest it. But it was not too bad though,maybe they wanted a more natural photo? The "adults" there were gossiping rather than having a fun time and so my siter and i decided to make a move to other places,kinda like "floaters", where we didn't fit in with those gossiping aunties/uncles.
Overall, the party was considered ok...not too bad. But nt very good either. Phots were being snap everywhere and we did take some vids...some of the photos and vids need a little viewer descretion...no i'm totally kidding..Check it out.
This are the three random pics by the pool. I guess it looks better durng the day,But i like the calmity of the night water. We were having second thoughts as to whether we wanted to take a dip in the pool, but after thinking it through carefully, we decided to forfeit as we hadn't brought X-tra clothing for the night.
Just some random dark phots...under the moon light.
Sitting doing the stunts...
Friday, September 4, 2009
Updated post
Okay mummy's birthday cake. Mango is the flavour and there were some other fruits as well. Lovely taste to the cake and it was served with good quality of fresh whipped cream,not some cheap oily cream that taste yucky when it enters the mouth.Okay, so anyway today was pretty busy but i'm not gonna say why. I had to do something...really personal and i'm aware that 11 ppl didn't attend sch..Ok, tht's bad but c'mon, i have to get an MC? That's not gonna happen anytime soon man. I'm not even sick,i only have to attend to things that i consider personal but maybe not for my teacher. Who cares anyway, i'm nt here to please anyone. If i'm really sick, i don't mind making a visit to the Doc's but too bad i'm not, so i'm not gonna waste my time getting a fake MC as i'm really honest.(Chey! Just kidding)
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Out Out Out
TODAY: ♥HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!!!♥
I love you so much and wish that you will always stay beautiful ok? Nvr mind if you didn't see this, as long as you're aware of what i wanted to tell you, then it's fine. I'll always be here for you no matter what happens. May everything go according to plan...and may God bless YOU!!!
Yesterday:
Decided to make a visit with Mummy to grandma's hse to see great-grandmother. She was good! Looking like her old self once again, and that's a good thing, something to put our minds at ease. She talked and waved her hand enthusiatically unlike before. I love her so much....It has been quite along time since i've seen her but she still looks great. As for my grandmother, i'm totally disappointed by what she hasn't done. She isn't fitted to be a grandmother. She doesn't act like one or even portray one. I can't believe she's mine! I'd always hope to have a grandmother who is willing to dote on us,or rather, me. But this is certainly not happening and i wish for my other grandmother to come back alive. But sad to say that she never will be back---for real. Perhaps she can only linger at the corners of our hearts. That's all i can hope for now--a nice dream of Mama Esther.
In the Night:
Went for a game of football-as per usual. Daniel came but not the two uncles-Uncle Edmund and Uncle Dennis. On the other hand, uncle alan came with the whole family... I couldn't believe that auntie Olivia would be there, and further more, voluntered to buy extra food for us.(so weird)...Aaron has changed alot,the way he speaks really kinda intimidates me. It's so low to the extent that i can somehow hear the vibrations going on around in his throat. As for Leann...ohh, she's so cute! Damn it...i love her so much and i realised that i love alot of ppl hah? Okay to carry on....Leann clung onto me like a kuala bear hanging on the tree and those soft palms swept against my skin. At that instance i felt like i was an elder sister carrying a baby sister. She was like my responsibily...so cute yet so naughty..she kept raising her hands and then laying them onto Aaron's body. Such a poor boy who doesn't make an effort to fight back. --A nickname for Leann would be..chan chan or something,it's supposingly the guy she likes...lol.But Aaron is a good brother to have,for not fighting back.
So i found out that the uncles and aunty are going to the party but Daniel most probably won't be going. He thinks that he's being used. Well he isn't the only one who thinks like that though. I shall not mention names. Anyway, we were talking abt Nadia's BF. She has one!!! Well okay, she's 18 already, and in Singapore, it's of a legal age to have a BF. So ya...this sunday we can see how good her Bf looks. But from the Fb picture, he doesn't look too good though.
I love you so much and wish that you will always stay beautiful ok? Nvr mind if you didn't see this, as long as you're aware of what i wanted to tell you, then it's fine. I'll always be here for you no matter what happens. May everything go according to plan...and may God bless YOU!!!
Yesterday:
Decided to make a visit with Mummy to grandma's hse to see great-grandmother. She was good! Looking like her old self once again, and that's a good thing, something to put our minds at ease. She talked and waved her hand enthusiatically unlike before. I love her so much....It has been quite along time since i've seen her but she still looks great. As for my grandmother, i'm totally disappointed by what she hasn't done. She isn't fitted to be a grandmother. She doesn't act like one or even portray one. I can't believe she's mine! I'd always hope to have a grandmother who is willing to dote on us,or rather, me. But this is certainly not happening and i wish for my other grandmother to come back alive. But sad to say that she never will be back---for real. Perhaps she can only linger at the corners of our hearts. That's all i can hope for now--a nice dream of Mama Esther.
In the Night:
Went for a game of football-as per usual. Daniel came but not the two uncles-Uncle Edmund and Uncle Dennis. On the other hand, uncle alan came with the whole family... I couldn't believe that auntie Olivia would be there, and further more, voluntered to buy extra food for us.(so weird)...Aaron has changed alot,the way he speaks really kinda intimidates me. It's so low to the extent that i can somehow hear the vibrations going on around in his throat. As for Leann...ohh, she's so cute! Damn it...i love her so much and i realised that i love alot of ppl hah? Okay to carry on....Leann clung onto me like a kuala bear hanging on the tree and those soft palms swept against my skin. At that instance i felt like i was an elder sister carrying a baby sister. She was like my responsibily...so cute yet so naughty..she kept raising her hands and then laying them onto Aaron's body. Such a poor boy who doesn't make an effort to fight back. --A nickname for Leann would be..chan chan or something,it's supposingly the guy she likes...lol.But Aaron is a good brother to have,for not fighting back.
So i found out that the uncles and aunty are going to the party but Daniel most probably won't be going. He thinks that he's being used. Well he isn't the only one who thinks like that though. I shall not mention names. Anyway, we were talking abt Nadia's BF. She has one!!! Well okay, she's 18 already, and in Singapore, it's of a legal age to have a BF. So ya...this sunday we can see how good her Bf looks. But from the Fb picture, he doesn't look too good though.
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